I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
