..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
