If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
