yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
