I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Boobs are out for the taking
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
