i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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