I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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