Pants 0. Shit 1.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
