The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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