ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
