The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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