here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
