the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
