My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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