If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
