Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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