I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
