The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
