when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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