dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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