i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
