dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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