i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
