That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
