Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
