The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
