Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
