thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
