dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
