1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
