it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
