An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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