WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
false alarm. still invincible.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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