she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
