shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
