I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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