i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
