I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
