I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
