just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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