why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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