im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
