i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
