hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
