he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize