The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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