This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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