I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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