when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
