You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish you could order shots online.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
