Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
