I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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