So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
