i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
