hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
