The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
