i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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