I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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