i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
