I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
