see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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