I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
