I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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