I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
