i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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