the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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