let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
