I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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