Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
