im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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