and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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