Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
People in love make me want to vomit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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