Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
