I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We got so high we made milksteak
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
