she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
